1. Making Room for Health
2. Letting Go of Sad Memories
3. Downsizing Creates Clutter
4. Making a New Wardrobe Possible
5. The Right Space for Control
6. Accumulating What You Really Want
7. Redefining Success and Enough
8. Sharing Power and Profit
9. Making Room for New Possibilities
10. Being Loving with Less Choice
11. Clutter Protection
12. In Its Proper Place
13. Replacing Old Rule with New Space
14. Misplaced Frustration

Making Room for Health (Personal Priorities, Changing Lifestyle, Physical Health, Immediate Desires)

One couple has lived in their beautiful Victorian home for 41 years. Their priorities are friends, family, and political activism, spending more than average hours volunteering and entertaining. It is a happy household.

For health reasons, husband and wife needed to start to sleep in separate bedrooms. The spare bedroom was being set up for a live-in assistant. There was a large, beautiful extra room, but it was full of craft and art materials. A loom literally took up a third of the space, unused for 20 years. Lots of beautiful yarn was well organized along the wall. Her bead collection filled the closet, and most had not been touched for a long time. Her hobbies had given her tremendous pleasure in the past, but their changing life required them to make room for their current needs.

To make the time to clear the room, she had to first make taking care of herself a higher priority than taking care of others (volunteering), and cut back on entertaining. At our first meeting we began to clear her calendar to slow down a bit, and make time to clear clutter.

We started clearing in other areas of the house because she was not ready to let go of her hobbies. After a few sessions, though, she felt better, could see progress, and realized that together it wasn't so hard. Within a month, she sold the loom and yarn on her own and found a non-profit organization that would make jewelry from her beads to raise money for homeless women.

The room opened up. She bought a new bed and we selected lovely furniture from her house to create the sanctuary she desired for herself. She now had the space she needed to better face the significant changes affecting her family.

Letting Go of Sad Memories (Current Lifestyle)

One family had lost their young child to illness and still kept everything in the child's room just as it had been four years later. The father's new work required a home office, and the only room not being used was this child's room. We carefully and respectfully went through all the child's belongings, distinguishing the memories from the objects. Each member of the family was asked to pick items that strongly represented the child to them in a positive way. These were kept. Anything that had negative connotations (hospital stays, for example) were let go. We found a non-profit to donate the child's clothes, and kept the special ones. The child's belongings were kept in a beautiful box, and his father now had the room for his new work.

Downsizing Creates Clutter (Personal/Cultural History, Present Lifestyle)

One couple was downsizing from a 15-room house to a two-bedroom condominium. They were looking forward to their new home, but disagreed over what to bring. The husband feared that his wife would not let go of stuff, and the wife feared she would not be listened to.

Both had difficulty letting go, though. He grew up on an Irish farm; she came from an affluent English/American family. He held on just in case he needed the stuff in the future, though he currently had plenty of money to buy whatever he needed. She held on because her belongings represented the affluence and prominence of her family.

Ironically, they had relatively little clutter. Their home was unusually organized and clean. What they did have were collections (paintings, ceramics, etc.) and a lot of stuff that they currently used and loved.

All their stuff would become clutter in their new home because it literally would not fit into its square footage and layout. The reality of limited space in the two-bedroom condo worked in their favor. Letting go wasn't a personal tug of war, but more just plain reality.

Each picked a place for donations, an auction house was consulted for the finer objects, and they asked their children what they wanted (vs. what their parents wanted to give them).

To limit arguments, I worked with them sequentially in alternative weeks, each going through their individual belongings. This gave each of them equal control and a sense of relief. We put to the side the things they needed to decide on jointly, which we went through later on. By then they had made progress and had new skills, so we went through the "together clutter" more smoothly than either initially expected.

Their move went smoothly. Once they unpacked, they made more adjustments to make the best.

Making a New Wardrobe Possible (Immediate Desires)

Clutter-clearing is about desire, not discipline. It doesn't take force, it takes knowing what really adds value to your present life. One woman had a basement full of clutter. It was hard to go down there and there was little space to work. She became very motivated when clutter-clearing was linked to new clothes, though. She had recently lost 60 lbs! We made room to set up a table for sorting, added some lightening and got to work. I showed her how to sell her clutter on Craig's list, and before she knew it, she had $1280 to spend on new clothes.

The Right Space for Control (Current Relationships, Habits and Rules)

A husband placed hundreds of hard cover, first editions books throughout the house — on the staircase, in the halls, on top and down the sides of bureaus in the bedrooms and guest rooms — rows deep. We could not touch his books.

These books were not clutter, though — they were a collection, currently loved and read. What they needed was not a clutter-clearing, but a library, which her husband agreed to. A room was chosen and cleared, bookcases built, and the books were properly put in their place, which immediately made the whole house more comfortable.

There certainly was clutter in the house, but my client really didn't have a lot. What she had was a lot of mess of things she currently loved or used. She "had been this way her whole life." She had never learned the healthy habit of regularly putting things away, so it was all over the place. Ironically, there was lots of room in empty drawers and shelves.

As we cleared clutter together, I showed her what to consider when storing things so it is easy to access and maintain. Her home became much more comfortable. Now she is teaching her children the habit of putting things away. Seeing the progress, her husband (not my client) began to coral his stuff, too, and to share the space more equitably with his family. The whole family got along better.

Accumulating What You Really Want (Money Matters, Current Relationships, Habits)

One couple had lots of clutter in her closets and her guest bedroom was the dumping area. The holiday guests were coming! Also, it was a struggle to find anything to wear because her clothes spilled over the drawers, shelves, and in the laundry. It was no fun getting dressed in the morning.

There were a few issues at hand. She hoped to lose weight and held onto her clothes. Secondly, she didn't see herself as a shopper because she didn't go to stores that often. Third, they had plenty of money so there was little constraint if she wanted something. And she was just plain tired. She worked more hours than she needed to, and had little time or energy for much else.

With my help she selected a few favorite outfits to keep in case she did lose weight, and was able to donate twelve large "trash" bags of clothes to a woman's shelter. Now we had room to organize her closet. Gradually, she realized that her on-line browsing was shopping, even though it was a major form of relaxation for her. Counting, bagging and cancelling twenty-eight catalogues (she kept three) helped enlighten her. She didn't realize how much she shopped (and spent) because they didn't have to worry. But finding nine separate plastic containers of yarn in different closets helped make her see that she really had more than enough. Her husband often worked at nights, which left her alone so we talked about other things she could be doing with this time than shop. She worked long hours. Her attitude was that it was necessary to be successful and appreciated by co-workers. Upon reflection, she realized that this could change, too, and she cut back a little to make time for our work together, and to have more fun outside of work. The closets and guest room were cleared filling the home full of more comfort and beauty just in time for the holidays!

Redefining Success and Enough (Personal History, Money Matters, Individual Attitude)

My client was the "successful" sibling in her family of origin. Her parents had died, and except for a brother far away, her sister was it. Her sister was less stable and lived a bit on the edge with little money. She loved her sister, but felt manipulated by her to buy things. It was very hard for her to require more of her sister, or to say more. After all, she had the money. She felt weighted down by her relationship, and didn't recognize that she had the power to make different choices. She prided herself in being able to help, and wanted to share her success, but not be taken advantage of. At Christmas, she bought bags full of presents, expensive ones, too. Upon getting home, though, she looked into these bags and "felt that there wasn't enough." She was right. There wasn't enough of what she and her sister needed in those bags — less guilt, more understanding, and better agreements. She started to learn how to say "no" and express her feelings more. It was a real pleasure for me to hear how much more my client was enjoying being with her sister as she changed her own perspective and behavior.

Sharing Power and Profit (Current Relationships, Money Matters, Immediate Desires)

One woman had little to fill her life, and filled it with stuff — she went shopping — always at the best deal or discount. There literally was no room left in the closets — and it was spilling over everywhere. Her husband was frustrated and angry about the waste and loss of financial resources.

Under all the clutter was a power struggle. Her husband earned most of the money and paid all of the bills, which he did as soon as they came through the door ("to get it over with"). He was paying bills all the time, not once or twice a month. His strategy contributed to his feeling that his wife's spending was endless. His wife did not have a constructive role in the money management and went shopping, in part, to exercise her power.

We reviewed their financial records together. She saw for the first time how much money she was actually spending, and he learned that she was not spending as much as he imagined. He relaxed a little, and she significantly reduced her spending as we cleared her clutter and she saw how much she already had. Managing their money became more of an adult partnership.

We linked saving money to their desire to buy a new home. This motivated them to cooperate and communicate in an adult financial partnership, and the clutter-clearing was accurately seen as necessary preparation for the future move. It also became a tax write-off as part of the cost of moving.

Making Room for New Possibilities (Current Lifestyle and Interests)

One woman had a room stuffed with pre-school curriculum even though she hadn't worked in that field for five years. Being a teacher had brought her a lot of joy. She hadn't found new fulfilling work, so letting go of the curriculum meant letting go of a joy in her life. She held on even though it prevented functional use of the one spare room. As we cleared clutter, I showed her how to make decisions she wouldn't regret, and we talked about what work would make her happy now. We found a teacher who would love to have the curriculum, so my client's joy was given away to someone who shared her joy in teaching, instead of throwing it away. She now had a comfortable room for a new desk and hobby area. With the letting go and the added space, my client started feeling better, and was able to explore new possibilities.

Being Loving with Less Choice (Immediate Desires and Personal Priorities)

One couple was having difficulty deciding to have a child or not. The woman's health had some serious concerns, and she was in her mid-thirties. There current lifestyle did not accommodate children - long work days, a lot of stress, limited exercise, physical pain, little sleep, and general weariness. But if there were to have a child, clutter needed to be cleared to make room for another bedroom. So we got to work.

The couple had a lot of love to give. They also had a lot of clutter. Their unresolved issue regarding children, their love for their dog, and their habit of buying resulted in a lot of clutter.

Their dog was one lucky puppy! Because cabinets were spilling over with dog treats and toys, there was a large plastic container on the floor next to the dining room table full of more dog stuff. The couple kept on buying simply because they loved their dog so much. Lots of snacks were opened and half used or stale, and needed to be thrown out. They were giving the dog as many choices (or more) that a person would appreciate, and he didn't really care. By cutting back on shopping, finishing what they already had before buying more, and limiting the number of choices, it was much easier to fit everything in a designated cabinet. The plastic container was now empty and removed, making the dining room much nicer.

This dog had four beds — one in each room downstairs (living room, guest room, office, and front hall). They wanted their dog to be comfortable! The dog had become their child. This often happens. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just a matter of how much do you need to buy to express your love? They let go of one of the beds.

Clutter Protection (Present Lifestyle and Immediate Desires)

One 60-year old client got re-married after a fast courtship. In one session, it was clear that she was not going to clear her clutter because if she did her new step-son could move in. She wanted her new husband, and that was it. The clutter stayed and she got her way. Clutter can protect you.

In Its Proper Place (Current Relationships and Personal Priorities)

One family had suffered the loss of an adult son in a car accident. They created a memorial, in a room off the living room and kitchen, exposed to many who walked into the house. Clutter often accumulates because of how the rooms are used or arranged, not simply because of the volume of stuff. The memorial took over the room and did not offer the needed private sanctuary. Its exposure represented its paramount position in their current lives, even years after his death. Part of the problem, though, was that there really wasn't another place to put it because the extra bedroom was full of clutter up to the ceiling. We cleared the room and moved the son's memorial upstairs. The public room downstairs could then be used in a way that fit their current lifestyle, and need for more storage.

Replacing Old Rule with New Space (Habits and Rules)

One client had lots of clutter in his home because his storage area was full up to the ceiling with almost forty empty boxes. He had a rule: save every box in case he had to return an item or make a future move. In reality, nothing was being returned and no move was planned. Removing the rule made it easy for him to remove the boxes, which made plenty of room to store the stuff that he currently needed and loved. His home really opened up and became much more comfortable just with this simple change in rules.

Misplaced Frustration (Present Lifestyle, Personal Preferences, Current Relationships)

A woman needed help with her paper clutter in the dining room and at her desk. She didn't know how to stay on top of it, and it drove her husband crazy. The truth was that her paper was controlled in two areas, and the house was rather clutter-free, orderly and clean.

Her personal preference was to have her paperwork out where she can see it and not forget to do anything. The reason it was in the dining room was that there was nowhere else to put it when she came into the house and her desk was upstairs, already full of piles. She needed help clearing out her desk, but the primary problem how the rooms were being used.

Her present lifestyle included three daughters under the age of four, a full-time babysitter during the day, a husband who worked long hours, and she was trying to start her own business. Her expectations were very high — to keep track of everything all the time. No wonder she "didn't have time." Therefore, she did lots of things a little bit and had incomplete projects all around her, which didn't make her feel good.

There was room to make it easier to manage her paper, but she had made her daughter a priority over herself. For her three year old, a stand-up piano (given to her for free) was in the entranceway and in the next room was an old child desk with a computer on it. The house was arranged for love, not function. Rearranging the desk and piano made it possible to clear the dining-room table, manage paper downstairs, and still have lots of room for the children.

The husband's frustration was too intense for the reality of paper clutter in the home. Clutter was not all through the house. I suspected it had more to do with his difficulty adjusting to three little children, and having objects he loved removed so that the kids wouldn't get at them. Children's toys were in the living room (even though there was a playroom), containers of children's clothes were kept in his closet, blocking easy access to his clothes. That's frustrating. He had lost his old lifestyle — leisure, entertaining, and comfort. He loved his family and it was a happy home, but he felt displaced. He couldn't really find a place to be at home himself. It was easier to pick on the clutter problem than the children.